Still life

Defeating burnout with bohemian pursuits

Dear diary,

I managed to get out to see Derren Brown Only Human on Thursday at the Edinburgh Playhouse — he expressly said he wants to keep the contents of his show a secret for now, so I won’t spoil the party here. Safe to say, it was a characteristically clever, disarming and occasionally unsettling performance from the great trickster.

Otherwise, I have been through a bit of a torrid time of it with what we’ll call burnout, for want of a better term. It all began around the time I found this terrifying object in the middle of Leith Links one May evening, whilst out playing an innocent game of frisbee.

Little did I know that picking up this cursed totem would unleash a series of events so bizarre, manic and confusing that even one of my infamous diary entries couldn’t contain the pulsating narrative. In fact, I’m not even going to try and explain! I want to focus on the positives.

Sketching is back baby

I’ve got into drawing again, for example. I find it keeps me present when my mind is wandering astray. I have been scribbling away pretty diligently in a sketchbook, on sheets of random corporate notepaper, and pretty much any surface I can get my hands on of late. I’ve even illustrated a few recent Substack posts, of varying quality. I’ve also been hanging around Edinburgh’s art galleries as a form of recovery, as well as research. From word art to still life, I’ve tested out my repertoire over the last few weeks and produced some interesting results. Here are some of my efforts:

I like all this because as well as being implicitly anti-A.i, drawing by hand has helped me achieve peace and quiet inside myself; the peace and quiet of a still life. Sketching is back baby!

A beautiful, miserable game

I’m not the greatest football man but I have been following the world cup highlights with something like gusto. And I am pleased to say I have found yet more inner peace by idly sitting on the sofa watching the big boys kick a ball about. Of course, I have been closely following the trials and tribulations of the Scottish National team. This squad has bored me to tears, and I say that with love. The Tartan Army has been awesome, naturally – making friends wherever we go!

Last week I tentatively posted a spoof LinkedIn update on the subject. This was after Scotland’s calamitous defeat to Morocco – repeated here for your entertainment:

So you’ve conceded a goal in the second minute? What now…

Get back up,

Dust yourself off,

And write a motivational LinkedIn post!

Themes:

Resilience, grit, determination, hope, inner calm

Key takeaways:

- fail to prepare — prepare to fail
- pressure is privilege
- at least you’re in the room

Good luck against Brazil, lads!

#personalpost
#scotland

Featured on a mate’s podcast

Even in the murk of mental anguish I have kept writing and posting on Substack. I’m not sure this was a very good idea, but I couldn’t help it. I think because my online persona is quite haphazard anyway, it felt natural to keep posting, even if offline I was struggling.

I have been reading a good deal as well. Plenty of summer poetry from Keats for frothy joy — and a strong dose of biographical reality in the form of a monumental book on the forgotten statesmen Richard Burdon Haldane (1856—1928). Truly, a fascinating operator. Much insight has been gained into life at the top during fragile fin de siècle peacetime all the way up to the Great War and beyond.

And in a lovely turn of events – which I’d like to finish on – a friend recently asked if they could read out one of my stories – The Curse – on their spooky podcast. What a fun and kind gesture!

Check it out!

Yours,

Ali P